Monday 23 April 2012

Being Dexter Morgan

I feel like Dexter Morgan.

Are you familiar with "Dexter Morgan"? He's the main character in Jeff Lindsay's series of novels, and most notably now the famous main character in the Showtime runaway hit, Dexter

For the uninitiated, Dexter was scarred so deeply by the childhood event of witnessing his own mother's gruesome murder that is caused him to forever have this insatiable blood lust; He must strategically murder people (whom he deems to deserve it) at frequent intervals to stave off the increasing risk that he'll lose his sanity and go on a killing rampage.

Let me just step back and clarify my first statement. I want to point out that it's not his deadly nocturnal expeditions that I relate to in any way shape or form. Although, if I was ever close it'd be when dealing with Customer Service

Again, let me reiterate; I do not have homicidal tenancies.


I'm referring to a different aspect of Dexter Morgan; his disconnect from human emotion. Now, don't get me wrong; I have emotions; strong ones. All people do in one way or another. In the book series, Dexter often questioned whether or not he did, in fact, have emotions. He has the realisation that yes, he has emotions... but often misplaced.

The similarities that I share with Dexter are in this; Misplaced emotions, and feeling completely out of place. Allow me to explain. 

In every day life, most people are forced to interact with other people. Be it at school, work, or a social event, the convention is that you converse with others. I don't have a fundamental problem with this; I can interact with people quite amicably in fact. 

The truth is though, I feel like I'm pretending to be human. I question myself constantly, "Am I like them? Are we the same?", and the answer (in my own head) seems to be: No. 

I go to work and talk with people, but it doesn't feel quite right. It feels like I'm putting on a façade; That nobody has ever met the real Cloaker Josh aside from me. I never quite know how to act. 

A colleague will bring in their infant son into work, and I know I'm supposed to act a certain way on these occasions. But... what is the expected way?! I rack my brain, trying to tie the experience back to a reference point of some kind; A possible past event that transpired in approximately the right way. As usual, I'm unable to source any sort of guidelines to follow and try winging it.

"Oh, how cute! How old is he?" Okay, so far, so good.
"Aww thanks! He'll be 13 months next week." Wow, she's totally buying it! First gauntlet passed. Okay, quick math: What's 13 months in years? Almost 1 probably. Oh, crap! What are they supposed to be doing at that age?!
"Oh wow... can he, uh... talk yet?" A slight look of confusion crosses her brow. She responds.
"Ah... no. Not yet, plenty of time for that." Oh crap, I undershot the mark. She's starting to see through my camouflage.
"He's... uh... a big boy!" I silently pray that the statement is approximately accurate.
"He weighed 9 pounds, 3 ounces when he was born!" Damn, my nemesis rears it's ugly head. The Imperial System. Haven't they converted baby meat to Metric yet?! I literally have no idea what this number means. As her inflection had an air of pride to it, I'm inclined to believe that it's a big number, but I'm no positive so I continue tentatively.
"Wow, that's impressive. Such a cute little guy!" I manage to splutter out a non-committal response. I ruffle his hair, and turn to walk away. Oh Godzilla! You're not supposed to touch babies heads, are you? Haven't they got some sort of self-destruct button there somewhere?! I slowly walk away, and listen out for anomalies; Some sort of clue that I messed up. She returns to conversation with another colleague, and the baby makes a gargling noise. She doesn't react; It must be a normal. I exhale a deep sigh of relief... That was too close.

Another time I feel completely out of place is at a family barbeque. Every where I turn, there are a whole bunch of relatives; I somehow don't know half their names.

"How's life treatin' ya, Josh?" A vaguely familiar older gentleman strolls over and places his massive hand on my shoulder. Is that a normal greeting between relatives? Do I reciprocate? I decide not to, and shoot out an auto-reply.
"How am I treating life, you mean mate?" Mate is my default moniker for people whom I do not immediately recall the name of. 
"That's it, ha ha!" He laughs, and takes his hand off my shoulder. He takes a sip of his beer. Damn, he's still standing there! You're not giving me anything to work with here, buddy! I have a long sip of beer while I struggle to conjure an appropriate question to ask. Ah, here we go!
"How's the family?" I swear I detect a micro-expression of a furrowed brow. How can that be the wrong question? He enlightens me.
"Ah... well. It's different now that Marcy's not around... Paul visits from time to time. He's doing well, you know. He's just had another child, a daughter this time."
Damn, I've asked about his deceased partner, question failure. Paul must be his son. He's probably my second-... something.
"Oh mate, you'll have to pass on my congratulations!" I take another swig of beer, and try to come up with a getaway plan. Ah, the toilet! He doesn't know I only just returned from there, I could've been anywhere. "Excuse me mate, I just gotta go hit the head." With any luck, when I return he'll be deep in conversation with somebody else and I can latch on to one of the familiar cousins.

Situations like these are the ones that make me feel like Dexter. It feels like humans were born with the ability to handle these in an automatic manner, whereas I'm running custom firmware.

Now, I'm going to take a stab (pun intended) in the dark and call out the rest of you. There's no way that I am so unique that nobody feels the same way; in fact, I would go so far as to say there are possible thousands, many even hundreds of thousands that feel the same way. Millions? Maybe.

So, logic dictates that I'm not alone; I know there's more of you out there. Question is, have you got the guts to admit it?

I can see my name up there; Where's yours?

33 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I am Quarshie Roberta from united kingdom, my heart is filled with so much joy today because of what DR OKAYA has done in my life. I got married to my loving husband 4 years ago and we were living a happy life together as young couples and everything was moving on smoothly without know disturbance, two months later I went to check up in the clinic and the doctor confirmed that I am three weeks pregnant with my heart filled with joy and my face full of smile and laughter I run down home to brake the good news to my dearly husband and he was very happy about the news and that night is a night I will always live to remember, to cut the story short after I have put to birth he was very happy you to see our bouncing baby boy, but along the line and all of a sudden he started keeping late night and going to club and doing the things he don't use to do before, and one mourning I confronted him about his new attitude but he ignore my advice, but to my greatest surprise I discover my husband have a mistress in his working place and they were seeing each other after work hour. on one faithful night my husband came back home and started packing all his belongings and told me that he is tired of me that he is filing for a annulment not knowing that his mistress has cast love spell on him that was why he was acting strange so I told my friend Grace in my working place so she gave me this contact OKAYASPELLHELP@GMAIL.COM and ask me to contact him that he will help me to bring back my husband in noon less than two days so when I got home I contact him and he told me that my husband is under a great love spell but he promise to help bring back my husband which he actually did within the period of two days. I was surprise to see my husband on one blessed mourning kneeling at my doorstep asking for my forgiveness saying it is the work of the devil that he did not know when he did what he has done and I forgave him and today we are living happily together. all thanks to great Dr. OKAYA for his great help in my family for helping me to restore my lost joy to my family, in-case you have similar case or even worst than my own your can contact him with his EMAIL ADDRESS: OKAYASPELLHELP@GMAIL.COM or through his phone number: +2348078291904

      Delete
    2. Greetings to the general public, i want to inform the public how i was cured of HERPES Simplex Virus by a man called Dr Azuka. i visited different hospital but they gave me list of drugs like Famvir, Zovirax, and Valtrex which is very expensive to treat the symptoms and never cured me. I was browsing through the Internet searching for remedy on HERPES and i saw comment of people talking about how Dr Azuka cured them. I was scared because i never believed in the Internet but i was convince to give him a try because i was having no hope of been cured of HERPES so i decided to contact him on his email that was listed on the comment ( Dr.azukasolutionhome@gmail.com ) i searched his email on net and i saw a lot of people testifying about his goodness. when i contacted him he gave me hope and send a Herbal medicine to me that i took and it seriously worked for me, am a free person now without problem, my HERPES result came out negative. I pray for you Dr Azuka God will give you everlasting life, you shall not die before your time for being a sincere and great man. Am so happy, you can also contact him if you have any problem Email : DR.AZUKASOLUTIONHOME@GMAIL.COM

      DR AZUKA CAN AS WELL CURE THE FOLLOWING DISEASE:-

      HSV 1 & HSV 2
      ASTHMA
      DIABETES
      EPILEPSY
      CANCER
      INFERTILITY
      STAPHYLOCOCCUS.
      BARENESS
      HEPATITIS B
      PENIS ENLARGEMENT
      ALS

      Delete
    3. I want to thank Dr Emu a very powerful spell caster who help me to bring my husband back to me, few month ago i have a serious problem with my husband, to the extend that he left the house, and he started dating another woman and he stayed with the woman, i tried all i can to bring him back, but all my effort was useless until the day my friend came to my house and i told her every thing that had happened between me and my husband, then she told me of a powerful spell caster who help her when she was in the same problem I then contact Dr Emu and told him every thing and he told me not to worry my self again that my husband will come back to me after he has cast a spell on him, i thought it was a joke, after he had finish casting the spell, he told me that he had just finish casting the spell, to my greatest surprise within 48 hours, my husband really came back begging me to forgive him, if you need his help you can contact him with via email: Emutemple@gmail.com or add him up on his whatsapp +2347012841542 is willing to help any body that need his help. 

      Delete
  2. I see my name up there too. it's right next to yours

    ReplyDelete

  3. I never really believed in any of these things but when I was losing Jackson, I needed help and somewhere to turn

    badly. Visit: voodospell@yahoo.com and i ordered a LOVE SPELL. 2 days later, my phone rang. Jackson was his

    old self again and wanted to come back to me! Not only come back, the spell caster opened him up to how much I

    loved and needed him. Spell Casting isn't brainwashing, but they opened his eyes to how much we have to share

    together. I recommend anyone who is in my old situation to try it. It will bring you a wonderful surprises as well as

    your lover back to you. The way things were meant to be." you can contact the spell caster on--

    voodospell@yahoo.com he's very nice and great. or you can visit him to on his web site: voodospell.webs.com

    ReplyDelete

  4. I never really believed in any of these things but when I was losing Jackson, I needed help and somewhere to turn

    badly. Visit: voodospell@yahoo.com and i ordered a LOVE SPELL. 2 days later, my phone rang. Jackson was his

    old self again and wanted to come back to me! Not only come back, the spell caster opened him up to how much I

    loved and needed him. Spell Casting isn't brainwashing, but they opened his eyes to how much we have to share

    together. I recommend anyone who is in my old situation to try it. It will bring you a wonderful surprises as well as

    your lover back to you. The way things were meant to be." you can contact the spell caster on--

    voodospell@yahoo.com he's very nice and great. or you can visit him to on his web site: voodospell.webs.com

    ReplyDelete

  5. I never really believed in any of these things but when I was losing Jackson, I needed help and somewhere to turn

    badly. Visit: voodospell@yahoo.com and i ordered a LOVE SPELL. 2 days later, my phone rang. Jackson was his

    old self again and wanted to come back to me! Not only come back, the spell caster opened him up to how much I

    loved and needed him. Spell Casting isn't brainwashing, but they opened his eyes to how much we have to share

    together. I recommend anyone who is in my old situation to try it. It will bring you a wonderful surprises as well as

    your lover back to you. The way things were meant to be." you can contact the spell caster on--

    voodospell@yahoo.com he's very nice and great. or you can visit him to on his web site: voodospell.webs.com

    ReplyDelete

  6. "My Wife & I Separated In December 2011 There were Nothing Me Or Anyone Can Do About It I Felt Depressed

    Confused Sad And didn’t Know What To Do. Until I contacted priest Oduma in January 2012 Before i knew it My Life

    Felt Whole Again.My Wife contacted Me in February 2012 And priest Oduma Helped The Both Of Us Now We Are

    Stronger Then Before......"
    "I look forward to contacting you for more predictions You can contact him on his email: voodospell@yahoo.com or

    you can visit him to on his web site: voodospell.webs.com

    ReplyDelete

  7. "My Wife & I Separated In December 2011 There were Nothing Me Or Anyone Can Do About It I Felt Depressed

    Confused Sad And didn’t Know What To Do. Until I contacted priest Oduma in January 2012 Before i knew it My Life

    Felt Whole Again.My Wife contacted Me in February 2012 And priest Oduma Helped The Both Of Us Now We Are

    Stronger Then Before......"
    "I look forward to contacting you for more predictions You can contact him on his email: voodospell@yahoo.com or

    you can visit him to on his web site: voodospell.webs.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. ogbefispell@gmail.comlove spell has huge powers! I cant believe what's happening to me! It's been only 3 weeks since you did that spell and Victor is already after me. Since the last week-end he phoned at least 5 times. I believe he seems to realize his mistakes. It's absolutely happening as you said!! Thank you! Your work is helping me so much… Without you I would feel so lonely and miserable... Thank you ogbefispell@gmail.com!

    Juanita B - Barcelona, Spain.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Exactly.. I can tell this might have taken some time to write but well worth it BC even if dexter is no longer.. we are.
    Everything makes perfect sense I feel that way and I'm working at mcdonalds ..lol yea I completely zone out as if I'm never lonely or needing to talk. Its a struggle to keep sane but somehow not as much as the other ppl around me. Thanks for keeping me grounded knowing there are probably millions just like us.

    ReplyDelete
  10. ogbefispell@gmail.com have changed my life so much and I'm so grateful for everything you have done.I feel like we are old friends and that you will be there whenever I need you.I'm so in love with my boyfriend and he gives all the love in the world back to me.I know he is my soul mate.Your love spells are so very strong and real,I know for I have proof.Thank-you dear friend and keep making peoples dreams come true.God Bless you

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am Quarshie Roberta from united kingdom, my heart is filled with so much joy today because of what DR OKAYA has done in my life. I got married to my loving husband 4 years ago and we were living a happy life together as young couples and everything was moving on smoothly without know disturbance, two months later I went to check up in the clinic and the doctor confirmed that I am three weeks pregnant with my heart filled with joy and my face full of smile and laughter I run down home to brake the good news to my dearly husband and he was very happy about the news and that night is a night I will always live to remember, to cut the story short after I have put to birth he was very happy you to see our bouncing baby boy, but along the line and all of a sudden he started keeping late night and going to club and doing the things he don't use to do before, and one mourning I confronted him about his new attitude but he ignore my advice, but to my greatest surprise I discover my husband have a mistress in his working place and they were seeing each other after work hour. on one faithful night my husband came back home and started packing all his belongings and told me that he is tired of me that he is filing for a annulment not knowing that his mistress has cast love spell on him that was why he was acting strange so I told my friend Grace in my working place so she gave me this contact OKAYASPELLHELP@GMAIL.COM and ask me to contact him that he will help me to bring back my husband in noon less than two days so when I got home I contact him and he told me that my husband is under a great love spell but he promise to help bring back my husband which he actually did within the period of two days. I was surprise to see my husband on one blessed mourning kneeling at my doorstep asking for my forgiveness saying it is the work of the devil that he did not know when he did what he has done and I forgave him and today we are living happily together. all thanks to great Dr. OKAYA for his great help in my family for helping me to restore my lost joy to my family, in-case you have similar case or even worst than my own your can contact him with his EMAIL ADDRESS: OKAYASPELLHELP@GMAIL.COM or through his phone number: +2348078291904

    ReplyDelete

  12. Hi,i wonder why people still don't believe that roots and herbs are very essential and fruitful in different aspect,especially when you can't conceive and bear children. I am a living witness because i tried all i could to be pregnant but all to no avail,until i contacted Dr Natasha ,who gave me some roots and herbs and told me how to use it. I missed my menstrual flow within a short period of taking it,and the doctor confirmed that i am pregnant. I am very glad to tell the world that i am a mother of a bouncing baby boy,contact her now don't say because she is a lady she cant help you no she can really help you contact her now for your own testimony Via : pregnancyherbs@gmail.com pregnancyherbs@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete



  13. ARE YOU FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO CONCEIVE WORRY NO MORE BECAUSE DOCTOR NATASHA COLE IS HERE TO HELP YOU WITH HER HERBAL HERBS NOW DO TRY AND CONTACT HER AM A LEAVING TESTIMONY....

    I am singing with joy today because of what God has use Doctor Natasha to do in my life,can you believe i got pregnant at the age of 40 year,i have be looking for a baby of my own that will call me mother for the past 12years, i contacted some many people who try their best but there was no solution to my problem, but when i came in contact with Dr Natasha my story change from worst to the best,so many people think that i will never have a baby of my own,but when Dr Natasha gave me her powerful pregnancy herbs i became pregnant after taking it for just one week all i did for her was to get the herbs which she told me to get and now i have a child i could call my own,i am so happy, you can contact her via email >>> pregnancyherbs@gmail.com pregnancyherbs@gmail.com pregnancyherbs@gmail.com Her WhatSapp contact : +2347036879479 +2347036879479

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hello every one i am very happy today to share this great testimony with you, I contacted Dr Ogudugu in regards of my lover. He no longer wanted to associate with me anymore. He was interested in working out from the marriage, after begging and pleading with him I realized it was out of my hands, he really was leaving me. My co-worker went through a similar situation and told me that Dr Ogudugu had helped her. I can't say how much I'm grateful she introduced me to Him. After discussing the resolution with Dr Ogudugu, get your lover back spell has done more than what I expected. My lover not only came back to me, but has left his wife and now we are engaged, we are getting married next year, I don't know what I would have done without you. I believe you are my guardian angel you can contact him Via Email GREATOGUDUGU@GMAIL.COM

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My partner and I have been trying for a baby for over seven years, Finally i am now a mother now Anyone with this problem should please do contact doctor climent Scott now he will help you too I will only advice every other woman TRYING TO GET PREGNANT or have Fallopian tube issues, pcos and other infertility problem too do their research and don’t base your option only on anyone’s advise, I did and it resulted in waste of money and time. contact Dr climent on email: drclimentscott@gmail.com drclimentscott@gmail.com Or his whatsapp number. because I have discover Dr climent. long time ago and I would have been pregnant earlier if I follow my heart and buy the herbal herbs but I disregard it because of my doctor’s advice and I am annoyed at myself but at the same time I am happy that I made the wise decision by going back to Dr climent, for his herbal herbs. Now I am a strong believer of this herbal herbs natural medicine. Thank You.contact Dr climent for bringing this joy into my home am so happy at last am now a mother of twins am the happiest woman on earth thank god i came back for your herbal herbs i no so many marriages out there finding it difficult to conceive i will surely encourage them to have fate and contact you on your email or number for help contact Dr climent now via drclimentscott@gmail.com drclimentscott@gmail.com Or his whatsapp number. drclimentscott@gmail.com

      Delete
  15. ALL THANKS TO DR ODIA WITH HIS HERBAL ROOT AND HERBS AM COMPLETELY CURED FROM FIBROID
    I can’t believe this. A great testimony that i must share to all fibroid patient in the world. i never believed that their could be any complete cure for fibroid with out going for surgery ,i saw people’s testimony on internet on how Dr ODIA prepare herbal root and herbs that shrink there fibroid naturally. i had to try it too i contacted him on: odiaherbalcenter@yahoo.com. and him told me how to get his herbal medicine, and you can,t believe that in just few weeks i started using it all my pains stop gradually . Right now i want to tell you all that i just give birth to a baby boy last month,and on till now' i have not had any pain, and i just went for text last week and the doctor confirmed that there is no trace of any fibroid in my system. after 8 year of suffering from fibroid am now free, Glory be to God for leading me to this great Dr ODIA I am so happy as i am sharing this testimony. My advice to you all who thinks that their is no herbal cure for fibroid that is Not true ,just contact him and get cure his email odiaherbalcenter@yahoo.com and you will be free and free forever, Try it and you will not regret it because it truly works. i hope to see your testimony soon.

    ReplyDelete
  16. ALL THANKS TO DR ODIA WITH HIS HERBAL ROOT AND HERBS AM COMPLETELY CURED FROM FIBROID
    I can’t believe this. A great testimony that i must share to all fibroid patient in the world. i never believed that their could be any complete cure for fibroid with out going for surgery ,i saw people’s testimony on internet on how Dr ODIA prepare herbal root and herbs that shrink there fibroid naturally. i had to try it too i contacted him on: odiaherbalcenter@yahoo.com. and him told me how to get his herbal medicine, and you can,t believe that in just few weeks i started using it all my pains stop gradually . Right now i want to tell you all that i just give birth to a baby boy last month,and on till now' i have not had any pain, and i just went for text last week and the doctor confirmed that there is no trace of any fibroid in my system. after 8 year of suffering from fibroid am now free, Glory be to God for leading me to this great Dr ODIA I am so happy as i am sharing this testimony. My advice to you all who thinks that their is no herbal cure for fibroid that is Not true ,just contact him and get cure his email odiaherbalcenter@yahoo.com and you will be free and free forever, Try it and you will not regret it because it truly works. i hope to see your testimony soon.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hello everyone! Still don’t know the right words to express my Gratitude to the Great Dr.Tsotesi After been diagnosed of HERPES 1 and 2 VIRUS in July, i was given so many health prescription and advice with no improvement, I totally lost hope, until i found many testimonies of Great Dr. Tsotesi in an online research on google, Like anybody would be, I was very skeptical about contacting him, but i later did and he opened up to me and told me what was involved and he started the remedies for my health, i gave him a try and Thank God, i was cured from herpes permanently by the herbal medication I received from him true DHL delivery. I never thought that herpes can be cured, from the bottom of my heart I’m truly grateful,i still do not know how it was cure it highly unbelievable it just just too real to be real i pray you have long life so you can help many more people on earth with your herbal medical support. i advice any one that is living with herpes virus should Contact the Great Dr Tsotesi today, because it has the cure to any problem Email him contact him by Email: drtsotesisolutionhome@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  18. Greetings to the general public, i want to inform the public how i was cured of HERPES Simplex Virus by a man called Dr Azuka. i visited different hospital but they gave me list of drugs like Famvir, Zovirax, and Valtrex which is very expensive to treat the symptoms and never cured me. I was browsing through the Internet searching for remedy on HERPES and i saw comment of people talking about how Dr Azuka cured them. I was scared because i never believed in the Internet but i was convince to give him a try because i was having no hope of been cured of HERPES so i decided to contact him on his email that was listed on the comment ( Dr.azukasolutionhome@gmail.com ) i searched his email on net and i saw a lot of people testifying about his goodness. when i contacted him he gave me hope and send a Herbal medicine to me that i took and it seriously worked for me, am a free person now without problem, my HERPES result came out negative. I pray for you Dr Azuka God will give you everlasting life, you shall not die before your time for being a sincere and great man. Am so happy, you can also contact him if you have any problem Email : DR.AZUKASOLUTIONHOME@GMAIL.COM

    DR AZUKA CAN AS WELL CURE THE FOLLOWING DISEASE:-

    HSV 1 & HSV 2
    ASTHMA
    DIABETES
    EPILEPSY
    CANCER
    INFERTILITY
    STAPHYLOCOCCUS.
    BARENESS
    HEPATITIS B
    PENIS ENLARGEMENT
    ALS

    ReplyDelete
  19. Greetings to everyone reading this testimony,am here to
    testify of a great man who was able to cure me permanently from herpes
    Disease just with his herbal medicine,i have been herpes Positive for 5
    years before i came across Dr voodoo Email on the internet on how he has
    been using his herbal medicine to treat and cure patients from different
    virus, so i contacted him and i explain to him concerning my problem, i
    followed up with the instructions he gave me and he urge me to have faith
    in his words that he was going to restore my health back, after some couple
    of days Dr voodoo sent me some medicine which he gave me prescription on
    how to take for 2 weeks, to make the long story short, I have been
    confirmed Negative from my recent test in the hospital, just within 2 weeks
    Dr voodoo was able to make me healthy and see reasons to live again, though
    science says there is no cure, i believe God has sent this great man to
    save people, you can all contact him for his medicine, he has presently
    been treating diseases like,CANCER,BLOOD DISEASE,DIABETES,HIV,TYPHOID, and
    many others, you can contact this man on voodoospelltemple66@gmail.com.or
    add him on whatsApp +2348140120719, God Bless you sir!

    ReplyDelete