Friday, 22 June 2012

Bedroom Battleships

So, you know I hate cleaning, internet? Well, I'm looking to move house soon, so evidently I'm going to need to clean my bedroom in the process of packing.

Wait, what? Clean my bedroom...?! That's, like, a two day job! How on earth am I going to find time to do this?!

Most people are faced with shock and disbelief after seeing the state of my bedroom, and I really can't blame them. It's a little bit messy.

It's really not that obscene though, is it? I mean, a couple of things out of place here and there, and everyone makes such a big thing out of it. Except...

Psyche. The only two things even remotely similar about my bedroom and the one pictured above is a) Having a bed and b) Having a Dark Souls poster. This is actually my bedroom, here.

I get it. It's a freaking disaster zone. People don't understand how I could possibly know where anything is at any one time, but I'm actually fairly good at retrieving objects. My method may be a little less organised than others, but I think of my room kind of like a game of Battleships.
"Where is your keys?" Someone may ask. Frankly, I have no idea why they're interested where my keys are, but I'll deal with their motive afterward.
"Wait, what?"

You ever play Battleships as a kid? Of course you bloody did. Everyone did. A person that hasn't played Battleships would be a complete fr- Oh, you've never played? Ahem, interesting. I'm sure you didn't live a deprived (or depraved) childhood.

Okay, well, it's like this: You've got a grid of where you're to place your battleships, unbeknownst (haha, I've never had to spell that word before) to your opponent. The grid is divided thusly; Letters across the top, and numbers down the side. Where these characters intersect give you a grid refer-

"Hang on a second, don't street map books do the same thing? And atlases? What the hell is with this Battleships analogy? It's extremely confusing and overly complicated."
Well, geez. I dunno. What makes you such a map expert, or "maps-pert" as I'm sure it's called professionally?
Fine, we'll do it your way. 

It's like an atlas.

Well okay, that was a great deal more efficient. Cheers for that. Right, back to it. I map out an atlas grid of my room in my head, and I know which quadrant things are in. So, looking at my room holistically is like trying to find a needle in a haystack... however, if I slice up the room and I can determine mentally to which quadrant it belongs to, then I can tell you where it is and it's more like looking for a needle in a much smaller haystack.

Easy... now, hop to it.

Pfft, no, I'm not looking for it! I'm happy sitting here, thanks.

In any case, all of this is going to change very drastically when I pack to move out. Sad face.

On the bright side, I may find the 
archaeological discovery of the century when I discover a new species. I think I have a biscuit or two under my bed that has been permitted to germinate over the last twelve months, so I'm suspecting I might find something like this under there.


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