Overdue spending spree

Very rarely do I spend money on clothing. I'll pick up a new t-shirt when my favourite one becomes unwearable, and I'll generally wear my shoes into the ground before I even considering getting a new pair.

This weekend was different.

When Troll Chick and I first put our budget together some months ago, we put down a couple of milestones that we were to achieve, in order:

• Move in together
• Spend a grand on clothing each (as the weight we lost respectively was starting to make our old clothes look like base-jump gear)
• Save until the wedding

Through vicious budgeting, and Subway lunches for months, we managed to reach our first goal. My only regret is that we didn't get to eat more Subway, although I reckon if Troll Chick so much as even sees another footlong sandwich she'll lose her breakfast. I don't know what it is, I love them delicious bastards.

Return from exile

Oh lord, I missed you, internet. I missed you so much. No doubt you've missed me, too.

I'm sure that you were all in a huff, not knowing what to do with yourself.

"Cloaker Josh hasn't updated his blog in, like, an aeon! What am I going to do?!"

Well, I'm sorry.

It wasn't really my fault, however.

In these past couple of weeks, I've been on a series of trials and tribulations that tested every fibre of my being. Or at least, it made me do things I'm not generally accustomed to doing. Like, physical stuff... and manly stuff.

I HAVE INTERNET

Soon, my child. I shall return.

Hiatus

Hello internet...

Yes, I know... I know. It's been so long. I really am sorry, I didn't mean to leave you out in the cold... unless of course, you're a penguin, in which case that was exactly my intent. That's just the best way to love a penguin I know, you adorable little tux-sporting rascals.

I'm assuming I'm the first ever person to Photoshop a
penguin with a tuxedo. God I'm good!

Well, I didn't come here to talk about penguins all night. I've actually got some news. Good news. Well, it's kind of both good and bad for various reasons. How about I just let the news speak for itself, shall I?

Social Media Trolling

As I've previously said, I really love trolling. Especially grammar trolling. It's especially fun to express in the form of a Photoshop, I've always found, so I thought I might post a couple of my recent efforts.

Some of these I understand I'm kind of reaching for the humour, but truly I don't care. I honestly will use any excuse to fire up Photoshop, and these following trolls are simply a by-product of that desire.

In any case, I hope you like them.

Bedroom Battleships

So, you know I hate cleaning, internet? Well, I'm looking to move house soon, so evidently I'm going to need to clean my bedroom in the process of packing.

Wait, what? Clean my bedroom...?! That's, like, a two day job! How on earth am I going to find time to do this?!

Most people are faced with shock and disbelief after seeing the state of my bedroom, and I really can't blame them. It's a little bit messy.

Food order panic

For some reason that I can't quite explain, I sometimes have trouble with basic decision making. I'm quite good with it usually, however on strange occasions I seem to freeze up and blurt out the wrong answer.

Know Your Meme.

The time it most frequently plagues me is ordering food at fast food establishments. I'll be waiting in line, looking at the menu and will be tossing up between two choices.

Lazy is as lazy does

People often accuse me of being lazy, however I have an alternative theory; I'm simply economical with movement.

I'm pretty comfy right here, actually.

Another way to look at it is that I may be physically lazy, however I'm no slouch on the mental side of things. I will actively think about things that will may my day-to-day easier, both inside of work and out. "Driving efficiencies" is what they call it; "Not wasting time" is what I call it.

I am constantly on the automation offensive, asking myself every single day: "Is there a quicker way to do this exact task? Can I cut down any of this manual work?"

Morning Sock Challenge

C'mon now, tell me. Are matching socks really that much of a big deal?

Every time I get caught out wearing socks that aren't the same colour, people make out as if it's somehow a big deal. Let me enlighten you, people of the realm; It really isn't.

They're a garment designed explicitly for the purpose of insulating and protecting your feet from the inside of your shoes. Why on earth do they need to look the same? Why the hell are you looking at my damn feet, anyway?!

How much did you say?!

Sadly, my holiday time has come to an end and I'm back in Sydney, ready to go back to work.

This last week's adventures consisted of meeting future in-laws, catching up with old mates and investigating wedding venues; I'm pretty tuckered out.

I always hear about these obscene financials being bantered about attached to weddings; I've always thought to myself that if I ever got married, I'd be a great deal more responsible with the expense. I've quickly come to the realisation that getting married is pretty much going to be expensive in 95% of cases.

Winter is coming

Tomorrow, I will commence an epic journey into the heart of winter and will not return for a week. Travelling with WinterfellAir, and will fly non-stop into Winterfell.

Apologies for the lack of updates over the next week; I will be bringing my iPad so I may be able to do some on-the-road, however I have a pretty full schedule so we'll see.

Wish me luck!

iGeneration

I'm afraid for the next generation.

I know I'm not the first one to say this and I'm sure I won't be the last, but... kids these days. This will obviously sound quite funny coming from somebody as young as myself, as if I could have a concept of what our generational pitfalls are. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about, and am just spewing some completely uninformed bullcrap... I'll let you be the judge of that.

Cloaker's Dogma: Conclusion

I'm a very lucky guy, I really am.

I'm not going to lie to you, internet. My post last night about Dragon's Dogma was an entirely selfish one; One that you saw right through.

I was, of course, venting at the fact that I had no expendable income to make "frivolous" purchases like a video game. The subtext, however, was that I wanted Troll Chick to notice that I was pining over the game Dragon's Dogma specifically, and that I was slowly building a case to buy it.

The struggle of Cloaker's Dogma

I've always been about video games, since I was a young boy. Always have, and probably always will. A new terror threatens to change my way of life, however.

Thy name is "budget".

Don't know him? Know Your Meme.

Warning labels

In recent years, we've adopted putting warning labels on pretty much everything to protect from litigation. It's reached a point of ridiculousness, almost wherein if a company doesn't write "Don't stab yourself with our knife sets" on their cutlery, they're liable for damages.

I'm sick of this cotton-wool society, and believe that we need to stop coddling the stupider genes and instead need to prevent them from continuing to procreate.

In any case, as a part of the social commentary I whipped up a couple of 'shoops to show that if they have to put warning labels on everything, surely they should focus their attentions to where it would a have the most impact?

In any case, enjoy and don't bother being offended at any of these... It's black comedy. Deal with it.

A plea for your help

Saving money is really hard. It really is.

Until very recently, I lived from pay to pay and was always broke several days before pay day. Hell, I was actually usually broke several days after pay day. Shut up, you're not perfect. In any case, recently I've had to undergo a bit of a strict budget regime in order to be able to afford to move later this year.

Corporate annoyances

Sorry to get you caught up in this, internet, but I just want to express a couple of things that people commonly do in the workplace that get to me.

Do these things, don't do these things... whatever, it's your prerogative. I just want it to be on the record that I did not endorse or permit this behaviour, for when the historians are trying to work out what happened to logical thought.

Oh, and I'm not really sorry at all, actually. My bad.

An open letter to anti-smokers

Get off your damn high horse.

This is you, on your high horse. Get off it.

Smoking is a terrible habit that I plan to kick for good at some point in the future, based on many reasons, not limited to financial and health benefits. Yes, I understand that I'm killing myself by smoking them. Yes, I know how expensive they are. Yes, I know how bad they smell and I know how inconvenient it is to have a friend who is a smoker.

Climbing Mount Rib

For the longest time, my friends have constantly berated me for not yet dining at a popular Sydney steakhouse, "Hurricane's". I was exposed to the same sort of statements that someone might be hit with upon sharing with their social circle that they hadn't seen Pulp Fiction yet.
"Oh my God, you haven't been to Hurricane's?!" They'd rhetorically demand, before adding, "You have to have their ribs, best ribs in the world!"

The skeptic in me questions the authenticity of this statement in for both the absence of my own empirical evidence as well as the obvious statistical objections that will usually come up with this sort of proclamation, so I decided that I could not have a valid view on this argument until I had tried them for myself. I would road test this dish at some point in the future to see if it as great as my friends insist it is.

They see me trollin', they hatin'

The other day, I'm at the pedestrian crossing outside work, waiting for that awesome little green man to light up and allow me to cross the road without risk of death. I'm leaning against the traffic post, quite obviously waiting for the lights and humming to myself when a lady walks up and presses the button.
"Oh, thank God you came along!" I exclaimed with a perfect dead pan. "I've been standing here for five hours! All I had to do was press this button here?!" She gives me this confused look, and presses the button a couple more times.

"You should press it one more time," I explain to her, "I hear it goes faster if you do that."
She finally caught on to the fact that I was being a smart-arse and shot me a dirty look. Lucky for both of us, the light turned green just then, otherwise it could have been an uncomfortable two minutes.

True story.